The Letter
by Balko94
Summary: A letter from Rick to Kate after the finale of season 3. Oneshot. English is not my first langue so please be gentle about my gramma mistakes.


Dear Kate,

I just wanted to explain you why I don't react on your calls and don't longer come to the precinct. I just can't do it anymore. Kate when we first met I had immediately a crush on you, because you are on of the most stunningst, gorgeous and prettiest women in the whole world. I was also fascinated by your character so I decided to learn more about you and created Nikki Heat. With the time I began to care about you Kate, that's the reason while I opened your mother's case than I had known that you only pretended to have got over it.

I was worried about you and the reason why I wanted back into your life, after I revealed my new knowledge to you about the case and you threw out of your life for the first time, was that I realized that I really cared about you back then. And when I had to decided between Nikki Heat and James Bond it wasn't a decision between two characters, it was a decision between my favorite fictional character and a woman I liked, what I realized just then, but I didn't know what to do about it.

When this psychopath, Scott Dunn, hunted you, I thought I had began to fall for you. I had to realize that I was wrong when I watched you with Demming: I hadn't began to fall for you, I was already in love with you. I tried to win you over, but after you lied to me about your weekend-plans, I gave up and realized that you had known, that I had deeper feelings for you in common than just a simple physical crush. Gina called me that night, I was light drunken and so we talked and decided to try it again.

The whole summer I tried to forget you but I couldn't. When I got back to New York I didn't called you because I thought you were together with Demming and happy, and that was something I didn't wanted to see. After our paths crossed a second time and I heard from you that you two broke up, I decided to fight my way back into your life. I was short before breaking up with Gina, when I learned about Josh. I wanted to be a part of your life so I tried to be your best friend, but I had fallen even deeper in love with you. And while we investigated this case about the murdered magician, I realized that I am fallen so hard for you that it nearly hurts and when we built our final theory, I realized that you are the love of my life and I could never be happy with any other woman so I broke up with Gina and tried again to fight for you. I have gotten hope over the last one and a half month, till we were in the quarantine tent: You told me what you want from a boyfriend and I realized that I already gave you that in our friendship. The whole time till we get out of the freezer I tried to find the best words to ask you, to give us a chance. But then Josh came back and you gave him a second chance, what broke my hate into peaces. You don't know how much it had hurt, when Fallon told me that he had thought that we were a couple and I had to tell him that we were just friends. After we defused the bomb I realized that life is so short and I wanted to take a chance; after Fallon said goodbye I wanted to ask you out for a date, but Josh appeared and I left. When I turned myself in the elevator and saw you in his arms my heart shattered into million of pieces.

But I stayed, because I promised you "Always" and wanted to be in your life. We shared again a few sweet moments, you even promised me "Always" by yourself and I finally admitted that I was jealous of Conrad and that you spend so much time with him, what you called sweet. I had gotten new hope and after Los Angeles I figured out that you feel the same way about me like you about me like I about you, but that you were fighting it, what you are still doing. When we reopen your mother's case after Lockwood's escape out of prison again, I finally realized that you were so obsessed with your mother's case that you could never ever let somebody completely in because you see this case as the only reason to live and you want nothing more than to solve it; and you are afraid that when you let somebody in he would stop you from it or that you would become so happy that you wouldn't longer see the need in solve the case.

After you gotten shot I admitted you my feelings yet I don't know if you heard or at least remember it. In the hospital Josh and I got into a fist fight, which was broken up by Ryan and Esposito. He told me that I wouldn't care for you, that I am dangerous and requested me to leave you. I gotten angry and attacked him. Later I apologized to Josh, but he didn't accepted it. I just want that you know about this stuff also from me, not only from him and Ryan and Esposito. But now I can't stand by your side anymore. I hate to say, or better to say, to write to you that you have to decide whom of us you still want in your life. As long he is at your side, I don't will come back. I can wait for you to overcome your doubts about an all-in relationship but I can't longer watch you hiding in a relationship with another man from your feelings for me.

Like I said it is your decision and when you don't contact me I just want to say goodbye. You know my number. My new address is 221 b Baker Street, Patchogue, Suffolk, New York, USA.

Love,

Rick.


End file.
